Recently, people have said things to me which have been brewing inside. The result has been positive, kind of like ginger beer (non-alcoholic, mind you). This is what I would like to share now, in the hope that it may also positively affect anyone else who reads this, and also as a memorial for myself should I ever find myself in the same place I have been this past year.
Someone told me a story:
One time, a young man, for whatever reason, did not think that he was being given what he deserved. He boldly told the dean of his school, "I deserve better." This was the dean's reply: Do you think the Lord Jesus deserved to be born in a manger; did He deserve to be misunderstood and mocked; did He deserve to be crucified on the cross for the sins of all mankind?
Needless to say that this was not any ordinary school.
Later, I heard another one say:
When the Lord was on the earth, He suffered for redemption, i.e., dying on the cross for our sins. He also suffered for the building up of the church. In all His sufferings, He committed them to the Father.
I considered these things in my heart, and discovered how self-righteous I have been. I had labored and had not been appreciated. Being discouraged, I had changed my direction, and turned away from aspiring to live a proper Christian life, in the highest sense of living a life of laboring for, what I knew in the deepest part of my being, what was valuable to God. Instead, I hardened my heart, and became passive, rationalizing that even if I were to spend my whole life, it would all be wasted. If that were the case, then I mine as well do what I can to be most profitable, even if that were of no value in the eyes of the Lord. At the time, I still sought for an answer, a way forward. But, no such answer reached me by the time my patience had been exhausted.
Praise the Lord that He has His timing. I don't know how it works, but when I felt that this was the answer, there was a sudden peace inside of me, which I have not felt for a long time. Logic led me into depression. But something as simple as these few words has led me out. I can't say that I will abandon all logic, now or in the future, but I suppose God's word is on a different level.
Written on November 4, 2011