In Ezekiel 47, Ezekiel describes a vision in which he saw a river flowing out of a house, and a man measuring the flow of the water.  At first, the water is a trickle.  The man measures a thousand cubits.  The flow increases to being at the ankles.  He measures another thousand cubits.  The flow increases to being at the knees.  He measures another thousand cubits.  The flow increases to the loins.  He measures another thousand cubits.  The flow increases to be able to be swum in.  In the Life-Study of Ezekiel, message 26, Brother Lee had this to say under a section titled "Grace vs Self-Effort":

... before we enjoy the grace of the Lord as the flow, we are able to do whatever we like.  When we experience the Lord's flow only in a shallow way, we can still walk by our own effort.  But when the flow becomes deeper, reaching up to the knees, walking becomes much more difficult.  We have grace, but the amount of grace we have is not sufficient, so we continue to exercise our own effort.  As the flow increases, it bothers, restricts, and frustrates us.  When the flow of grace rises higher, to the loins, this is the hardest time to be a Christian.  Our situation becomes quite awkward ...
This was incredibly similar to what I was experiencing 7 years ago, when I really felt I could not go on, because of how frustrating things had become.  I wanted to let go, and swim in the water, but there was not enough water to swim in.  Wading in the water was exhausting and I could see that it was unsustainable.  At the time, I had ultimately concluded that, for the sake of my health and sanity, I needed to take a step back.  Unfortunately, this resulted in a feeling of discouragement and defeat.

However, when I read this message two weeks ago, I was encouraged.  I was very grateful to the Lord that, despite feeling that I was a failure, I had been able to wait until the Lord gave me His answer.  Even if I wasn't waiting or actively searching for the answer anymore, He still finally showed me what was going on.

Though I will never know for sure, but even His timing is probably impeccable.  Had I read this 7 years ago, which I may have... I don't know whether I would've been able to receive it.  I know that I am definitely not what I used to be 7 years ago, for better or for worse.  As they say, some things just take time.  
Written on July 3, 2017
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