I haven't been doing well spiritually.  There are many reasons, but I won't get into them.  I've just noticed that I haven't been very thankful for everything the Lord has given me.  In fact, it's gotten to a point where it's hard to pray, because I do it so rarely, because I rarely give thanks to the Lord.  When I do pray, out of necessity, I really feel like a hypocrite.  A hypocrite, literally, as in like an actor.  Someone wearing a mask.  In short, I hate it.

Then, I found out that one of my acquaintances died in a car accident about an hour ago.  Right now, I'm just confused.  I think that's the best way to put it.  I'm not wavering in my faith, because I know deep down in my heart that the Lord let's everything happen for a reason.  But, I'm confused or bothered by my indifference.  I really should pray.
Written on June 5, 2013
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