I haven't been doing well spiritually. There are many reasons, but I won't get into them. I've just noticed that I haven't been very thankful for everything the Lord has given me. In fact, it's gotten to a point where it's hard to pray, because I do it so rarely, because I rarely give thanks to the Lord. When I do pray, out of necessity, I really feel like a hypocrite. A hypocrite, literally, as in like an actor. Someone wearing a mask. In short, I hate it.
Then, I found out that one of my acquaintances died in a car accident about an hour ago. Right now, I'm just confused. I think that's the best way to put it. I'm not wavering in my faith, because I know deep down in my heart that the Lord let's everything happen for a reason. But, I'm confused or bothered by my indifference. I really should pray.
Written on June 5, 2013