Relationships are tough because they are a matter of the heart.  Recently, my parents have been more aggressive in pushing for me to start a relationship.  While I do want to get married if I search deep in my heart for what I really want, there are simply too many unknowns and potential problems for me to feel comfortable going down that road.  In this day and age of job insecurity, as the soon-to-be primary moneymaker in the family, I have been determined to pay down the mortgage for our house.  Time and money are in short supply, and I simply cannot afford more endeavors requiring them.  That is the practical side of things, which is actually the easier problem.  On a more subjective level, with all the ladies whom I have met and gotten to know, through conversations over meals, mostly, I have realized that with each one, that we are simply too different to live together for the rest of our lives.  There is a saying that goes something like, "Being on different roads, no need to become friends".  It both sounds cooler and makes more sense in Chinese.  While I strongly think that all these ladies are good people, and so, are worth being friends with, the fact remains that we are on different roads.  Unfortunately, I am not interested in changing people, nor am I naive enough to think it's easy to do so.  The simple fact is as plain as day: if we were to marry, we would be miserable, as we would be unable to support each other on reaching our destination when we are each pursuing a different destination.  Even my parents argue so much, often about small things.  I hate to extrapolate what an argument about the large, meaningful things would be like.  As someone who is not interested in doing things halfway, unless absolutely necessary, I'd say that being friends is the best solution and final destination.  Different kinds of relationships have different levels of expectations.  A good friend may not be a good spouse.  I will volunteer to say that that is the case with me.  I'm probably best at being friends with people, in general, anyways.  When I feel responsible for people, I become less tolerant of what I perceive as people making mistakes.  The more I care, the more controlling I become.  That's the undiluted truth.

It seems that opportunities always abound while money for throwing at them is always in short supply.  As one example of this, my mom has signed me up for a life insurance policy where I will be paying more than $12000 per year for five years.  Thus, this weekend, I have been furiously reading through the package to identify any merits to this policy.  Along the way, I also read my health check report, and discovered that my cholesterol level is abnormally high.  All those tonkotsu ramen I've been eating is taking a toll on me.  I guess it's more exercise and less ramen.  Thus, I am deprived of another simple pleasure in life.

Then, there's the warning I received from my boss on Friday evening, for showing up to work too late the whole week.  That means, I'll probably have to show up earlier now, meaning, I'll have to wake up earlier, meaning that I'll have to sleep earlier.  Not sleeping because I'm thinking about this isn't helping.

Then, there's the green tea I drank tonight at 9PM.  That's probably the reason why I can't sleep.