This whole week has been crazy! A round of layoffs. Playing board games with co-workers all night till the morning. Then my long-time friend getting married. While all these things this week have involved intense emotions, this last event brought up extreme emotions on both sides of the spectrum.
On the one hand, I was very happy. I saw and briefly chatted with many people I had not seen for years. In a certain way, it was as if we had gone back in time, with all the people whom I had grown up with coming back together. The wedding was a joyful event, of course.
On the other hand, I was saddened. Meeting with these people who I had not seen for years was a test, and I was disappointed to discover that we no longer had much to talk about. Recalling the past, I realized that we actually never had much to talk about. I got along with everyone, but I was never part of the group. Maybe it was just my imagination for me to have thought of everyone as anything more. I suppose I did look up to them, and I regarded them highly. And, this is why I dislike reunions. It is always disappointing to discover that the things you thought you felt about each other aren't mutual.
For a while now, I've been wondering when did I stop loving people or things. Probably it was when I went the route of fulfilling my duty, and doing what's right, as opposed to doing things out of love, as acting out of duty allowed me to continue being a nice person without expecting anything in return. All the advantages of love without any of the disadvantages. In addition, when I lost that person or thing, then I am freed from my duty, rather than I lost someone or something I loved.
